• Mike Savage

Authors Are Pretty Much Useless

“The book is not about bridges, Mike.” The person designing my website was trying to explain why the picture I had chosen was not appropriate.

“But it’s a cool picture,” I pleaded.


“Okay,” I replied. “What about the one of the Greek Orthodox church on the Mediterranean?” The colors were vibrant. The cobalt blue sea contrasting with the white stone masonry and gleaming tiled roof. It was my favorite.

“There’s a lady in a bikini laying on the top of the church,” came the disgusted reply.

“What?!?” I asked, shocked I had not seen that. “Is that bad?” I asked, trying to look ignorant but not stupid. I saw her now. How had I missed that?


“What about…?” but I was cutoff.

“Authors aren’t very good at designing websites,” she said evenly. I had heard this before, somewhere else, about something else. It was becoming a routine. Author’s aren’t usually good at (fill in the blank). I began wondering at the beginning of this process EXACTLY what we are supposed to be good at. Not writing! Not when thousands of words are hacked from a manuscript by an editor. Not when choosing pictures for a website! I had been asked for pictures, so I sent pictures. But as usual, “Authors aren’t usually very good at…” Bleh! I hoped she hadn’t already opened the Iron Man picture.

Yesterday I had two meetings. Each lasted over an hour. They were back-to-back, and I almost died. I hate meetings. That is because they are seldom interesting. The first hour I met with the person doing the inside formatting and cover for the book. It took her an hour to realize that I had absolutely no idea what to put on the front of the book. NO IDEA! The second meeting, (see above dialogue), was with a web designer. Like the first meeting, it took an hour for her to realize, I HAD NO IDEA about what a webpage should look like. Obviously, I was pleasant during the meetings, but both seemed happy when they were over.

This whole being an author thing, is not as much fun as I thought it was going to be.

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